Burger restaurants

Where's the beef?

You've got to love the Americans. Sure they gave us canned laughter, actorpoliticians and atomic bombs but they also gave us the Model T, blue jeans - and hamburgers. The burger makes up for a lot of grief.

Everyone has their own idea of what makes a great burger, Sauch as the Bacon & Avo Burger from Balducci's.

 

Forget sliced bread, this is the 20th century's greatest food invention. Other foods come in and out of fashion, but the burger has reigned supreme for over a century and shows no sign of stopping. It's easily a contender for the most consumed meal in history, the whole globe's comfort food.

America in your hand, the burger is de mocracy in food form. "Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses, and I will give them a hamburger." And just as the American way swept across the globe, so did the burger.

They're part and parcel of the States' cultural colonisation, those double arches striding continents without the need for any shock or awe. Even in the current bearish environment, McDonalds is planning to open 1 000 stores in 2010. And so it will be recorded that the world was conquered by minced meat, soft white bread, fries, and the soundtrack of mastication.

The result is that many of you hate the burger. You know who you are. It's very cool to be snobbish about burgers. Precisely because the burger is the symbol of the masses, of commercialism, of sameness, of the dreaded fast food, that plasticated threat to all quality in life. But let's never forget that the burger's stature is also due to the fact that, to paraphrase Pulp Fiction's Vincent Vega, "it tastes gooood".

The burger is properly popular - and if you don't fancy yourself part of the masses, you're likely to be snooty about it. The burger is the Maginot line of food elitism.

It's also the cause celèbre for health food lobbyists. Sure, if you eat burgers three times a day like that Spurlock fellow you'll not be in great shape, but I've tried the grape diet and nearly collapsed of headaches and cramps after two days, mercifully saved by a small cheeseburger.

Space doesn't allow a tussle with the goji berry and quinoa crew, but as to the legitimacy of the burger as foodstuff, consider what a chef at a modest restaurant in Spain has said: "Ferran Adrià and the 100 best chefs in the world cannot do better for the price." It was Adrià who said it.

And this is the burger's beauty. It is a near-complete food, typically presented at the right price. For most of human existence, getting enough to eat has been the daily order of business.

In recent times this has translated into clock-punching to get enough money to stand in queues to buy food to drive home through rush hour traffic to haul out your pots and pans while feeling the tug of little Tommy at your pants and hearing the rising wail of little Tina while you blithely whip up a nutritious yet creative plate of food for four.

Every night. So one quickly sees why a meal that provides meat, starch and vegetable in one package, and at a good price, anytime and quickly, is a godsend for many.

Sure, with a day free and cookbooks at hand, we can all prepare a cassoulet and argue about the role of the breadcrumbs in it; or shop for organic salt, flour and freerange chicken to make our healthy version of KFC - but not everyone has Le Creuset in the cupboard, peanut oil at hand and a clean, modern kitchen not unlike the one that Jamie fellow uses on telly.

So - hail the hamburger. But of course I don't mean any burger. Who said fast food needs to be junk food? We deserve to eat the best burgers. Problem is, it is such a democratic foodstuff that everyone has their own idea of what makes a great burger, and what they want to see on it...

Tasked with hunting down South Africa's great burgers, I decided to take a purist approach, everywhere ordering the classic, timeless combination of simply a beef patty on bun with fries on the side. If the house used a BBQ sauce, so be it. If it added fried onions or a mustard sauce as standard, fine. But I didn't ask for cheese, tropical fruit salsas, foie gras or watercress.

FIRE AND MEAT

My points of departure and comparative standards were the fundamentals of a great burger. It should be a meal that you can eat with one hand while driving your Corvette listening to Springsteen, so no stacks or UFO-sized buns.

The bun should be soft and white, preferably with sesame seeds (tradition, like Easter) and the bun should be toasted on the inside only, to help hold it together when the going gets sloppy. The patty is beef, and should have a hand-made texture with a medium grain, neither dense like reclaimed window putty, nor as loose as simple mince. Herbed or plain, the most important factor here is that the beef is full of flavour.

And one of the fundamentals of burger flavour is the char (or flame) grill. I was amazed at how many so-called "gourmet" burger joints were serving burgers that may as well have been cooked in a frying pan at a church bazaar. This is about fire and meat, man! (And woman!)

That crust that you get from the flamegrill is paramount, the slightly blackened edges providing a satisfying contrast between the soft, juicy interior and firm, caramelised exterior. It's all about mouthfeel, as are the perfect French fries. These have a crisp crust and a warm, soft, pillowy interior.

Their crust should be golden brown, not dark from overcooking nor limp from the shameful use of too-cold oil. Along with the classic chip, it doesn't hurt to have excellent tomato sauce on the side, and the addition of tomato slices, lettuce and pickles (gherkin) are expected, though I did not punish those that played fast and loose with this part of the dogma, so long as the rest was right.

So off I set, my usually Catholic diet replaced by a few weeks of hamburgers and fries. I ate double burger lunches, dinner burgers, take-out burgers, burgers with kids running around in face-paint; I even ate a burger at 10am, my habit getting the better of me.

And the upshot? South Africa has some fine burgers - but they are not necessarily found where you'd expect them. In fact, the designation "gourmet" often seems to ruin the place's chance of making a really good one at the right price. And the places you'd kind of forgotten about - like certain burger franchises - actually make very good burgers indeed. It's as if the more a burger is molly-coddled, the worse it gets, like a spoilt child.

A burger likes the hurly-burly of reality: it likes a rock 'n roll soundtrack, not simpering lounge music; it lives for the road, not slippery designer chairs; it co-exists quite happily with sub-lingual waiters with funny headgear on the other side of plexiglass instead of undergrads with R250 haircuts.

So here it is: the burger joints where you'll find satisfaction, if not nirvana. Prices range from R29 through to R60 and I have to say that paying more does not guarantee a better burger. Above R30 and you're paying rent and staff costs, so make sure you like the space. And let it be known: for the price, Steers and Spurs nationwide make burgers that are pretty much on par with most of these.

JOHANNESBURG

Gourmet Garage. Rated by many as the best spot in Jozi, the burgers are decent but lack real char grunt. Lots of options though, and great service. 24 Central Corner Fredman Drive, Sandton. Tel 011 883 2226.

JB's Corner. House-made patties with good beef and great service in a spot that has character - pretty good going for this Pleasantville precinct. 3 The High Street, Melrose Arch. Tel 011 684 2999.

The Grillhouse. So many of the classic steakhouses really slam-dunk the burger because they know their way around a grill. As here, with excellent fries too. The Firs, Corner Cradock and Biermann Roads. Tel 011 880 3945

DURBAN

Deluxe Burger Bar. A concept burger joint that does a good job with the standards as well as their many variations. Also lots of interesting beer (the burger's stable mate). 143 Davenport Road, Glenwood, Durban. Tel 031 201 0090.

Gourmet Burger Co. A burger house with a thoroughly modern sensibility that proves how "green" a burger can be. Local free-range beef, local veg and even local flour used for a righteous burger. 12 Mackeurtan Ave, Durban North. Tel 031 563 5546.

CAPE TOWN

Balducci's. With high quality rump/sirloin patties (made at sister restaurant Belthazar), the good burgers here are matched by fine side dishes and relishes. Victoria Wharf, V&A Waterfront. Tel 021 421 6002.

Hudson's. Gets lots of attention, and the burger meat is good, with some flamegrill flavour, and they do toast the bun. If only they didn't consistently duff the fries. 69a Kloof Street. Tel 021 426 5974.

Gourmet Café. A hole-in-the-wall that caters to the local offices, it's well worth your while to pop by for their burger, slathered in onion. Roeland Square, Roeland Street. Tel 021 462 0152. Not to be confused with Gourmet Burger, where they also make decent burgers in all shapes and variants (branches on Long Street and Cavendish).

A few final comments: Royale on Kloof Street has a huge reputation for reasons based, I think, on nostalgic memories. Big and wet, the burgers are mushy (drowned in a tomato/onion mix) and lack flavour or definition. And I did not get there in time for the story, but word has it that Loading Bay on Hudson Street, De Waterkant, makes a mean burger - but only on Thursday nights. And so the quest continues...